Finding God's Presence in Clouds of Uncertainty→

/
Finding God's Presence in Clouds of Uncertainty

I’m honored to have an article published in the Just Between Us Print Magazine, “Finding God’s Presence in the Clouds,”Spring 2024. You can read an excerpt below and follow the link to order to continue reading.

I wrapped the pink towel around my neck to support the weight of my head––the only answer to the screaming muscles in my weakened neck. Clumsily, I stooped to secure the leash to my yorkie’s collar and guided him down the porch steps as the screen door banged behind us. 

We slowly wound the path around the mountainside next to the rented farmhouse that I had called home for the last two years. This farmhouse was a place that represented so many fulfilled dreams––a new job that offered independence after college graduation, a life in the NC mountains, and budding friendships that solidified around its table––and it was the home I was preparing to bid goodbye.

My declining health was robbing me of the ability to support myself financially and meant that I would ….

Read More

New Hope for Never-Ending Seasons

/
New Hope for Never-Ending Seasons

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;great is your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

I swept the brown needles from the dying Christmas tree into a tidy pile. The smell of fir still wafted through the air, but the discarded tree slumped on the woodpile outside my window, awaiting a bonfire. 

As I cleaned, my cell phone chimed several times, alerting me to New Year’s greetings from friends and family. But instead of celebrating, a weight of despair hung heavy on my shoulders.

In all the newness, nothing had changed in my painful circumstances––not in that year, nor …

Read More

When the Fallen Pastor is Your Father | TGC

/
When the Fallen Pastor is Your Father | TGC

This is my latest article published with The Gospel Coalition. Click the link to read the full article.

I’m the daughter of a pastor who fell into prescription drug abuse.

My early years are full of happy memories of a father who was present, engaged, and loving. But when I was 15 years old, my father began experiencing chronic headaches and pain. He started taking medication that was meant to help him recover, but for the next 20 years, these drugs were a source of great harm as my father fell into addiction and substance abuse.

It’s big news when a pastor falls from grace, and there are countless stories of how this affects churches. When you’re on the outside looking in, it’s easy to make assumptions and judgments about the pastor and his choices. But it’s hard to live through when….

Read More

God Will Catch You When You Fall

/
God Will Catch You When You Fall

“Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

Psalm 56:3 NKJV

It was hard to force air into my lungs. As I stared down at the slippery rocks in the mountain stream, I thought of all the ways my steps could go wrong, and I chided myself for ever venturing into the water. Tightly gripping my husband’s hand, I methodically placed my foot in his evaporating footprint. But with the victory of reaching the other side of the river in sight, I started to slip. Panic erupted inside my mind as my body wobbled, rocked, and swayed.

My husband’s calm voice broke through the chaos. “Honey, just fall on me. Just fall on me.” Within the span of those one or two seconds, questions swirled. What if he can’t catch me? What if I get hurt? What if my falling hurts him too?

Just then, I glimpsed his confident brown eyes––and knew….

Read More

God Controls the Storms of Life

/
God Controls the Storms of Life

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

 Psalm 46:10a NIV

I can still hear the resolve in her voice. “Sit down and get quiet. God’s doing His work!”

Any time the slightest hint of thunder rumbled through the air, my grandmother gathered all of us children in her care, and insisted we settle ourselves down. For the kids, our books, papers, and pens came out, while Grandma took the opportunity to clothe her lap with the open Word of God. A hush filled her small living room, and more often than not, I would find myself curled up on a pillow, awakening after the storm had passed.

Recently, torrential rain, rolling thunder, sharp lightning, and darkness overtook my home.

Read More

Trusting God's Guidance in the Darkness

/
Trusting God's Guidance in the Darkness

He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.

Psalm 23:3b ESV

I had no idea where I was or where I was going.

Darkness enveloped me, and the glimmer of my car’s headlights did little to help me see. My grip tightened around the steering wheel as I slowly wound higher up the mountainside. The tires periodically slipped on the remaining patches of ice from the recent storm, and I practiced slow, deep breathing as I searched for any signs of familiarity.

Somewhere in the darkness, I had missed the turn leading home. “Lord, please help me,” I whispered after the road increasingly narrowed upward. With no place to turn around, I stilled my nerves and begged God for guidance. The only way to go was forward, so I steadied my foot on the gas pedal.

Just like that winter night long ago, there have been many times in life where I’ve found myself in similar circumstances, unsure of what was ahead and feeling like I was fumbling in the dark. In every one of those places––long years of chronic illness, grief, financial struggles, and uncertainty––I found myself wondering what God was doing.

Read More

When God Makes the Impossible Possible

/
When God Makes the Impossible Possible

“For nothing will be impossible with God.”

Luke 1:37 ESV 

My leg muscles burned more intensely on the last two steps. After walking up three flights of stairs with bags of groceries strapped across each shoulder, I breathed a sigh of relief as I turned around to look at where I had come from––literally and figuratively. God had surely made the impossible possible.

If I had been told in years past that one day, I would live in a third-floor apartment and easily take the stairs to reach it, I would have said that’s impossible. For years, chronic illness kept me homebound and dependent on others to complete basic tasks like grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning. The couch was the cocoon that held my body full of pain and weighed down in fatigue.

Although we may face situations that seem impossible, the Bible is clear that our God is a God who can bring about great things from impossible situations.

Read More

A Reminder from the Birds to Trust God

/
A Reminder from the Birds to Trust God

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not much more valuable than they?

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Matthew 6:26-27 NIV

Hearing the bird’s chirping outside my window shook me out of my sleep. Its song rose in symphony as it drawled out the lows and climbed through the highs of its melody. Pulling the covers to my chin, I attempted to return to sleep to no avail. I was drawn to the fact that there was still complete darkness shadowing the morning sun. It seemed a little early for so much excitement.

Then the scriptures in Matthew echoed in my mind: Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? I wondered if the bird was singing in expectation of the sun’s appearance? Was this tiny creature resting in the promise that the sun would surely rise, and the Creator would meet each need the day presented?

Read More

The Promise of Beauty for Every Season

/
The Promise of Beauty for Every Season

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 ESV

The crunching and swooshing of freshly fallen leaves under my feet prompt me to look down. I reach for one single leaf and twirl it around and around in my hand. My eyes focus on its vibrant colors and I'm amazed at how the deep red, yellow, and orange seamlessly bleed into one another. The pattern for the leaf’s shift from a green Summer leaf to a colorful Fall leaf contains no real definition.

Staring at the beauty of this dying leaf, my gaze drifts to my hand effortlessly holding it. I take note of the creases and lines that are increasingly prevalent on my skin. Aging is taking place in tiny increments, and now that I am rounding the curve to 50, I’m acutely aware of its signs.

The Teacher’s words in Ecclesiastes echo in my mind: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. And I’m reminded of the constant change taking place in this life––the shifting from one season to the next. Some are hard seasons of illness, grief, loss, or financial struggles. Yet others are filled with laughter, joy, success, and fulfillment.

Read More

You Can Trust the Potter's Hand

/
You Can Trust the Potter's Hand

“Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand.”

Jeremiah 18:6b NIV

I entered my first pottery class with nervous excitement. After carefully choosing a misshapen ball of moist clay, I heard the instructor’s directions, “You have to throw the clay hard onto the wheel to make it stick.” Hesitatingly, I dropped the clay and as soon as the wheel began to turn, the ball slid from side-to-side. It was unpliable in its present state. My foot released the pedal and the wheel slowly stopped. I reattempted my beginning. This time, I slung the clay onto the surface with force and made solid contact with the center of the wheel.

In Jeremiah, God describes Himself as the Potter and His people as the clay.

Read More